succulently LUSHcious

i am an empty shell. separated from myself, i sink into an oblivion of silence as i nurse myself back into rest. i am an empty shell because i've already exhausted all energy into a burst. i am sucked out...by vampires masticating on my ebbing compassion for them. they are slowly eating it all away. i struggle. not wanting to give in to their sordid games, foul words , and dissension...i dont want to give up....afterall, i do feel love for them. i love them because i see them now and i know what beauty lies within them. i see what they can become. i struggle still...trying to keep afloat in this sea of bitter blindness...my eyes blood-shot overflowing with salty waves...trying to keep open even if i could only make out silohuettes of things, of beauty around me. im tired. when i should not be tired. the wounds i thought had been completely healed are now slowly shooting out a mist of blood. i am remembering the feeling again. oh how it hurts!

god, protect me. if you must, send me some reinforcements. i am nothing, you are everything. i know you can heal me if you want to. i know you can give me strength to endure. did you send me to do these battles? remove this cup from me, please...but your will be done, not mine. just give me grace.

Pwede ko bang sabihin na muntik na akong masuka kanina sa sobrang dumi ng industriang kinalalagyan ko?
Bakit ganun? Hindi ko akalaing ganito kawalang puri ang isang bagay na lubus lubusan kong minahal.
Nandito lang naman ako para magmasid, gumawa, at e represinta anG kagandahan...kagandahan ng lahat ng bagay. Ang katotohanan sa kagandahan. (oo, totoo sya) Ngunit iba ang ang nakikita ko, nararamdaman ko..puro kapangitan! graaabeeee...nakakasuka talaga. Puro pagkukunwari. Kung ganu kaganda ang kani kanilang itsura ganun naman nakakasindak sa pangit ang kanilang kalooban. Katumbas ng kalinisan at kabanguhan ng kanilang mga katawan ang nakakahilong alingasaw ng kadiring pagsisinungaling, sa kapwa at marahil lalo na sa sarili nila. Okay... siguro medyo nagiging judgemental na ako...sino ba naman ako para sabihin ang lahat ng ito? hindi naman ako santong nagkukunwari. Marahil hindi naman ganun kadumi ang kahit isa sa kanila. Siguro naman maski kunti marami ang totoong busilak ang kalooban. Pero alam mo ba na pag pinagsama-sama mo sila, nagmimistulang 'smokey mountain' ang umaailingasaw ng kapangitan ng ugali nila. kabebeso lang sabay sak sak ng patalim sa sandaling tumalikod ka, sya, tayo, sila~

Napaupo na lamang... Natahimik. Naalala ko na ito pala yung mga bagay na iniwasan ko noon. Ito yung dahilan kung bakit ako lumayo. Ito pala yung bagay na pilit patayin ang pagmamahal ko sa isang industriyang bumabahay sa mga kaibigan kong ibang klase ang mga galing ng isip at kakayanan. Mga taong, alam ko na kasing bait ng isang kapuri-puring santo. Ngayon, halos hindi mo na mamukhaan sa kapal ng patong patong na makeup, lungkot, galit, kasinungalingan, at pagkukunwari. Kailangan ko pang kausapin ng diretchahan at tignan ng masinsinan sa mata upang ipaalala sa kanila..."HELLO!!! AKO TO, KAIBIGAN MO? NAALALA MO PA BA TAYO?" Marami akong mahal na kung totoo man sa akin ay nagiibang anyo pagharap ay iba. Nakakalungkot. Hindi ko magawang ngumiti ng tunay...pati tuloy ako nagpaka plastik na. Ngiti, kailangan pa ring ngumiti kahit kunti, para maganda, para sa kanila, para sa kamera. Nakakahawa.

Panu mo nga naman kakalabanin ang ganitong pwersa, inpluwensya..kung sang katerba ang sasalubong sayo na hawak hawak mga granadang sumsabog ng kadiliman sa kung sino mang nakakakita ng liwanag? Bulag. Magbubulag-bulagan na lang ba ako? Kase dapat ganito, dapat ganyan...Sorry po hindi ka pwedeng umupo dyan dahil biglang dumating ang isang 'sikat' na artista. O kaya'y isang mayamang 'celebrity', o 'cute' na model.....haaay buhay! lalayasan ko nanaman ba itong klaseng pamumuhay? Pero panu sila? ang mga santong nakakulong sa ilalim ng yarda yardang 'draped' na damit?
Kung kaya ko mang iwan lahat, hindi ko kayang iwan ni isa sa kanila. Mahal ko pa rin ang industriyang ito. Palagay ko itoy lito. Balang araw, magigising na rin sya. Masakit man, kailangan harapin ang pangit na nasa salamin.

christmas karon...isa ka adlaw past...dayun....."ayaw hilabti" ingon sa isa ka lake nga sige lang pagsingeta didto...asa? didto lagi...karung holiday kay puwerteng saya!!! nimbalik akong daddy...kay nag layas layas murag teenager ba! dayun on the 25th naa na sha sa amung door. haaay....grabeng lami a sa gugma mo lord!

"There is perhaps no one of natural passions so hard to subdue as PRIDE.
Disguise it, struggle with it, stifle it. Mortify it as much as one pleases.
It is still alive, and will every now and then peep out and show itself...
even if I could conceive that I had completely overcome it, I SHOULD PROBABLY
BE PROUD OF MY HUMILITY." Benjamin Franklin

Pride is absoulutely sneaky. Be aware and BEWARE of it. remember, there is such a thing
called false humility....a subtler but most deadly form of pride.

are you proud of your humility????

think again.

nandito ako ngayon mag-isang tinitiis ang lamig ng air con sa loob ng tindahan na oras nalang ang hinihintay bago mamatay. Paano ba magpaalam sa isang bagay na dalawa mong taong minahal? At ang ibig kong sabihin sa "minahal" ay nilambing, kinalinga, inaway, pingatampohan, tinakwil, binabalik-balikan...yakap-yakap hanggang sa mangawit mga daliri sa kakahaplos, kakalinis, kakasampal.
Ang kapal! ang dami! ang laki! ng pinag daanan natin dear pilar place. Sing sakit ng una kong pakikipaghiwalay kay saguijo. paalam

Take it in.

You've filled your lungs with the putrid pollution of disbelief,
then you exhaled disobedience.
we all did it.
All of us doing exactly what we did,
when we wanted to do it.

Let’s love every thing into completion until desires merge into Oneness.
LOVE who created everything that beats succulently.
Believe.
Graceful flow inspires great works and being.
Art that recognizes true beauty emanating from within
Capturing captivating essence,
waiting patiently to be
free

una poetry turned company vision by: corinne, mimi, and tanya

Anything that grows can never be contained nor content with just minimum movement,
even a caterpillar goes through a period of crushing through a painstaking hole
in the cocoon in order to break the cells on its sides,
therefore sprouting wings and becoming a butterfly.
Let us all treat all hardships as opportunities to grow.

This year, I've already made up my mind.
I will at all times...and at all cost be absolutely and without a flinch......
GRATEFUL for everything I am to receive, experience, see, hear, make, eat!
( oh yes, but of corrrs), love, embrace, smell...and even endure.

I say enough to depression ( a very addictive endeavour),
enough to complaining and enough to numbness!
I see it all around me and it makes me want to be a zombie.
It’s not cute.

I think this is the only way I will survive.
I must receive life fully and embrace it with both arms
...and sometimes legs and feet.
I will with all my might try to give life a big wet kiss
even if it slaps me over and over.
This I learned from Ina....my little kulit sister....
who, no matter how much I give her the rod of discipline,
always comes back to me begging for a hug and a kiss...
and instantly, no matter how bad she can get, I melt like sugar
in the warmth of her embrace.

" …what good is it to love the lovable?"

What most people don’t understand is that all of our circumstances are
a test to our character.
And people…and yes even little people aka kids are catalysts.
A means to get to the core of your being.

So thank you to all my catalysts! You have all taught me well,
and I hope I am better person because of all of you!

I say enough with darkness….say yes to light!
Because in darkness everything is the same bland color…oh wait a minute…nil color!
But in light, everything is alive.

Blue can be azure, or lapis, or navy, or perry winkle
Red can be fuchsia, or hot pink, or rose
Yellow can be canary, or lemon, or gold!


You get the picture?

I thank you for you!

Words cannot express the high of finally doing what you fear the most.
I sang....but I screamed more. As soon I thought I had nothing else to sing about,
words just came and came and came. It was orgasmic!multiple!!!

Someone told me that I was performing another kind of masturbation.
I was.....shocked! was I? did I?
And then I realized masturbation is an activity FOR, ONLY< JUST< LONELY ONE!
I looked around me, and everyone else seemed to be okay.
Some were even laughing and enjoying themselves
and if it were at my expense....HEY! I made you laugh!
So now, was it an orgy?

GOD, why does everything have to end up so sexual for some people?
and sometimes...me.
FREUD! ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!

People asked if I were drunk...I'm guessing I must have looked it.
And I say, I was a little bit. But little did they know, I was so freaking sober!

Tilll the next......the keme kemes' will be baaaack!

yesterday! yesterday!
I touched, I held, I embraced, I caressed a snake.
My all time, all my life until that final minute yesterday,enemy!
I, Maria Cecilia, realized...that snakes are sooooooo beautiful!
He was so adorable. The sleek oily feel of his skin I once abhored
felt like silk and velvet at the same time. It was just so heavenly to the touch.
The animal was so timid and kind. Everytime I kissed his slithery mouth
He shyly moved away as if embarassed, and tried to hide in the comfort of my hair.

How comforting to know, that I have gone beyond the curse of eve.
I befriended the snake :)

I wonder what my cat (summer) thinks of me now.

Right now, im in the middle of a torrid battle.....inside my mind! i just saw a very very very disturbing mexican art film called: batalla de el cielo...otherwise known as battle in heaven. I can't even describe how ugly i feel right now. The last scenes really killed me. I kicked and kicked marvin to stop running the movie because i was getting mortified and i couold'nt feel my limbs. In fact, i started going numb right at the beginning.e, The only reason why im typing right now is because i just dont know how to release this without smoking. i had fought with marvin already...now he is slumped over...unable to talk to me because i really raged. i want to break the dvd to pieces, but i cant because its not mine. i want it to be very very far away from me right now. I wish i never saw it, i wish it didnt happen to me at all...i wish it was never made. perhaps im over reacting, its probably not as bad ....BUT IT IS TO ME!!!!! right after we shut it down, marvin kept joking about it which really made it worse...hence....the rage. i got really scared. fear crept up on me and has turned into mad anger. anger because i just dont know how else to react. i hate that movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!now i cant sleep....i fear scenes in there, esp. the last part will invade my dreams and turn it into a night mare. im not watching anything for a while.....and you know what i hate the most is when im not taken seriously in times when im sincerely disturbed and scared!!!.

An alabaster jar filled with sweet perfume must first break to fill a whole house of its fragrance just as flowers are crushed to make the same self perfume exist. There must be much breaking and wrenching in order to rid ourselves of so many things we think we are all naturally made of forgetting all the while that we were all made pure in the first place, like a child. We were all children, and are still...untarnished, undefiled, innocent. But even children know how to lie without being taught. HOW? fear sets into their hearts when they first commit such a sin. Fear of being found out and punished, fear of being disappointed, fear of being unaccepted, fear of being unloved.

Anything vile must be exposed to rid itself of such contempt. Just as darkness must be put to light in order to.....lighten up! obviously. Acceptance is in knowing that these putrid things that has brought us into such darkness were never a part of us, only we agreed to such lies, therefore they have settled in. The challenge here is in the courage to expose them, repent of them. Rising to this challenge can only be successful in the full form of HUMILITY. Because afterall, we are all only human and nobody is perfect....except GOD. Thank GOD I am not perfect or I dont need to be.....what big weight off shoulders if everyone should accept this. THANK GOD FOR FORGIVENESS.....UNENDING AND UNRELENTING.

BREAK break break
On thy cold hands, oh sea!
And I would that my toungue could utter
the thoughts that arise in me.

one last thing.......Jesus first broke bread and gave thanks in order to feed five thousand people.

absolutely fabulous
you are you are
so so beautiful
you are you are

so will you come and join me to the dance?


i want to kiss you, and hug you and call you george!
oh wait a minute, i already have a george!

There is a kind of emptiness that can fill you,
hunger that can eat you up.

There is a cold and darker side of the moon,
and there is a lonely kind of LOVE.

There is a certain kind of pain that can numb you.
There is a type of freedom that can tie you down.

Sometimes only the unexplained can define you.
Sometimes silence is the only sound.

anonymous


Seek first the kingdom of GOD and his righteousness,
and all these will be added unto you.